Thursday, September 30, 2010

Kitschy Kitchen

This is the room where I spend almost all my time, right in the kitchen where I've transformed the dining-table into my own private studio, surrounded with little cute things that inspire me and make me happy. I love how it feels now, just a year ago this room looked like a dumpster because of all the trash I dragged in for projects that were never finished or cleaned up. Now I've started to organize things and put back the 'enm'i into the apartment. I've been really into interior design since I was a kid but I've never succeeded in transforming my rooms into the cute wonderful havens I've wanted them to be, probably because I've been too picky. Now I go by the motto that if it's cute, it will go along perfectly with the other cute things, and I've started to collects pictures and little porcelain figures of cats, birds and fawns. I love my kitchen!

Sudden appreciation

There is frost on the ground outside and the morning sun is shining in on my face where I sit by my kitchen table and I feel a sudden appreciation of where I am, where I'm coming from. I just started to remember when my grandmother used to take me and my sister to see the runes and offering carvings on the stone hillsides in the forests not far away from where we lived. Where ancient people had drawn the shapes of ships and hunters into stone. We put little coins there at the very same place as the vikings made their offerings to the gods and a silly kid as I was I always asked the gods for candy and pretty dresses, but I was too small to appreciate it. I do now, when I realize that such things aren't common, and that the places I've lived have been places where people of old times have walked as well. They too experienced the first frost and when the sun gradually leaves Sweden as the earth turns. Soon I won't have morning sun on my face anymore. It will be pitch black..

I sometimes feel that I am boring, un-interesting and average. My family history as far back as it can be tracked have been Swedish farmers. I used to envy people I met with mixed heritages. I sometimes do still. It just seems so interesting to have family all over the world, or have a history and lineage from a country far far away. But I'm starting to realize that my background isn't average or boring, it's just mine and it seems that way because I've lived with it all my life.

I'll try to visit those runes again soon, or try to find new ones in the city I live in now. I'd much like to ask the ancient gods for other things than candy..

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Painting for the confused..

I'm trying to keep myself sane and calm today and so far it's kind of working. I don't think I'll leave home, but I've kept myself occupied and kind of happy by working on the painting I promised my little sister for her living room. I have no idea if she will like it or not yet. We'll just see. It doesn't matter really, It was really soothing to paint it and when I think about it, it's my first traditional painting that I've actually finished and sort of liked.

I used newspaper, wallpaper, watercolor and ink. It's Audrey Hepburn, my kind of screwed up portrait of her. I hope this will go along with my sisters old fashioned, movie-inspired interior and otherwise I might just try to sell it or have a giveaway.. Who knows?

That feeling

It's as if I have a long strand of hair caught in the back of my mouth and I can't get it out. It's like every seam in my clothing stings me like tiny itching needles and my hair is sticking to my neck like an unwanted scarf, strangling me. I get shivers up my spine, feel nauseous and feverish even though I'm not sick. That feeling is the one I've walked around with for the last week or so.

I haven't been able to chase it away except for when I sleep. If I try to get out of the door I collapse and just thinking about checking my e-mails make me panic. What is this? I'm not always like this? Why can't it just go away?

I want to be honest and really explain how I feel because I see no point in hiding it, trying to seem as if I'm happy, cheerful and well because I have this weird sickness that seem to slam me to the floor every once in a while. Unexpected, without any warnings and it ruins my life, really. I missed yet another life-drawing class because of this and I don't know if I'll be able to make it to the next one either. If I miss two more classes I fail the course, and I can't do anything about it because it's like I'm cursed to stay in bed. As soon as I get out my body reacts as if it's been struck my the plague or something. When I try to force myself out I feel like I'm about to throw up and my head starts to spin..

This is a bitter part of my life, and I'm hoping it will pass soon and that I will have good days again before this mysterious illness ruins my education..

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Ears!

I want an animal-hat.. A proper one with ears, and I'd like long earflaps with pompoms and everything! A problem though is that most hats with ears are meant for kids and the ones I've found so far for adults are not slouchy enough, or whatever problem I seem to find with them. I have a perfect hat in my imagination but I'm too picky when it comes to making the decision.

When I went to the swedish equivalent of high-school I made a hoodie with cat ears. People stared at me or commented. They said rather mean things. I'm guessing either they hated it or they were jealous of my fabulous ears. I'm choosing to believe the latter. I just can't see why animal ears would be something only infants are allowed to wear. They don't even know that they are wearing them, and I'm pretty sure they haven't even gotten used to being human yet, so why confuse the little ones?

Today is a sunny day and I'm all warm inside from the morning tea. Today has started off a much better day than yesterday and I think it has some potential as long as I don't start to think too much about the dust in the corners and the clothes that need sorting into the closet.. At least I finished homework this morning so I've got that settled and after my doctors appointment today I'm heading to the library to find something exciting to read! The last book I read was a bit depressing, so I'll try to find something on a more happy note this time because I need some happy.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Goodbye dear Sussi


When I met Sussi this weekend I knew It might very well be the last time. She was a very old, very skinny cat who'd gone deaf and half mad but she was very loving and caring all through her life. Now she's passed on to spend her days in the place where good cats go.

I'll miss her loads, but at the same time I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. I know she's had a really long and very comfortable life. She will be remembered for always talking on the phone, being fond of licking peoples fingers and sleeping under blankets. I wish I could have kissed her without sneezing, but I'm happy I got to know her at all. Sweet skinny Sussi with her green eyes and charming pink nose..

Monday Sweetness: Dolls!

pre-haircut Twig

enchanted doll- somehow made me heart broken

I've always loved dolls. There is something with holding a small, delicate copy of a human girl in the palm of your hand. I love their clothes, their hair and I especially love dolls with names and a history behind them, as if they were characters from a book or a story come to life in that shape.

Looking at them can both make me happy and sad, because I love beautiful things, but if they are too beautiful I feel a sort of gloom because I want to be able to create them myself. All beautiful things fill me with this feeling, it's not quite jealousy but still not far from it.

I have three BJD's, one from Korea and two from Japan and I used to spend all day long making them clothes, photographing them. The middle photo in this post is my first doll, Maegan.
I stopped playing with them. I don't know why I stopped, but I think its like with most things I do. I get too much into them and then it becomes an unhealthy obsession that in the end makes me feel pressured and stressed out. It's a fine balance. I might get back into that whole thing again, but right now I feel just fine looking at other peoples beautiful pictures without feeling the need to compete. I can just sit back and enjoy.

Sanctuary?

I'm in some sort of upset, annoyed state of being and I can't stand it. Everything is itchy, my feet are cold and I get these nasty feelings of stuff crawling up my back all the time and I know it's all in my head but that doesn't help me one bit does it? No, it actually makes it even more difficult to get rid of!

I feel like I just want to find a spot where I can lie down, take deep breaths and feel clean, calm and collected. My kitchen table is usually kind of like my workspace mixed with a sort of sanctuary, but right now it's just workspace and barely that, it's covered with junk and half-finished projects that stress me out just looking at them! Why, WHY?! *does a dramatic hand gesture*

No really, not even my tea calms me down right now and that's bad. I've tried to take showers, sleeping is no good, I've already done that all night and I still have to wake up at some point and the feeling will be all back. I really should clean the apartment but I'm afraid that if I start a big project like that in my current odd state of being I'll end up crying in a corner somewhere, I kid you not. It has happened on several cleaning-occasions..

So what then you may ask yourself? Me too! I have no clue what-so-ever.. We'll see I guess. Bad feelings can't stick around forever.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Lazy

I've had an odd weekend. Or rather, the weekend was ordinary, I was odd. I cuddled the cat's too much and ended up with an itch all over and I haven't fully recovered until now.

I feel really exhausted and very very hungry but neither me or J wants to really go out to buy food so I guess we are stuck here, starving to death! Or just starving until we get too annoyed to keep this laziness up.

Tomorrow is another Monday and I'm actually looking forward to it. I have nothing planned, nothing at all in my schedule just the way I love it. So I'm thinking I'll fill tomorrow with tea, some drawing-homework and maybe some more patches, photography or going to the pond to feed ducks? I'd like that a lot..

I'm a solitary person, and I love the days where I have no obligations and nothing on my mind. I need to be alone a lot. It's my way of getting back energy I've spent on other things, such as being itchy an entire weekend..

Friday, September 24, 2010

Squirrel Acorn Club!

I felt a rush of new confidence when it comes to my patch-art and made a squirrel painting this morning! It's like a badge for the newly founded Squirrel Acorn Club. I'm the founder and only member at the moment, but I still like it.

I've discovered a new shading technique that I'm using to make gradients of black and grey. It's a lot of fun and I think painting on recycled cotton is something that is just in it's starting phase for me. I just love doing it, and the fact that the art can then be sewn onto clothes is so appealing I think. You can frame it, but you could also use it to fix that hole on your pants, haha! The usage is up to the owner. Everything is allowed!

Today I went on a little walk and enjoyed the autumn sunshine. I had the urge to just throw myself onto the ground and roll around in the grass but I didn't dare to. Maybe if I had a friend with me I could. I should ask J if he'd like to wrestle out on the grass, that would be so much fun!

I'm filled with a feeling that everything is possible. I want to keep on with the fun, with playing and with friendliness and the belief that I can fight evil and bad stuff my own way. By refusing to take part in it and by spreading the love through cute stuff that reminds people that being nice and respectful towards others is the answer to all our problems. That is the belief of the Squirrel Acorn Club! That and collecting autumn leaves and acorns of course. Duh!

Gift wrapping!

I'm overwhelmed with the effect of publicity. Internet can be such a huge lonely place sometimes and then suddenly comes a rush of people and you get excited and kind of scared at the same time thinking: WHAA?! Who are you, and why are you here, and thank you so much! - All at the same time..

My new dear friend Soe helped me loads by putting the link to my little shop out there for the world to see and just in a day I got to wrap three paintings up in silken paper and send away. I'm really happy and surprised because I didn't think my stuff would appeal to the same people who likes her stuff which is awesome game-related art and cool things in general. This picture of her is really cute I think! I have to get those books about Chi! That cat is beyond adorable.. For me it feels so amazingly warm and fuzzy on the inside when I've actually found someone to squeal along with when I find a cute cat-plush in a store. Good friends are rare so you have to hug them tight and make sure they know how much they mean to you.

Yesterday I had a calm day with G, drinking tea and working on our school stuff. I was a bit confused and dizzy though so it took me quite a while before I actually got anything done. We took a walk to the duck-pond and ate muffins in a slow pace. It sort of felt like walking around in a dreamy haze all day yesterday. I think I'm tired after all the excitement.

Today I'm going with J and his adorable mom to see some event in a small city close to ours. I don't know what to expect yet, but it's supposed to be about art and crafts and stuff and I'll bring my camera so we'll just see if I dare to snap any photos while I'm there. I'll be gone for the weekend, probably snoozing somewhere in the middle of the forest.

*hugs to my friends*

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Brave and spontaneous?

These last days have felt like an ongoing adventure and for once in my life I felt sort of like the hero, not the helpless sidekick. It all started this tuesday where because of a mixup at the doctors office and I had to kill a couple of hours. Instead of going home I just walked into the local art-museum and library. I've never been there before and it felt exciting to stroll around there by myself, looking at stuff. I had a cup of tea, got a new book and learned that those signs that are put up all around the church-park area really are a piece of an ongoing art-show. I knew it!

Then that same night I decided to escort my new friend to Gothenburg since she felt a bit scared of going to the airport by her own which I can completely understand. I however don't usually like to travel and it makes so so nervous I can't stand it, but this time I felt so brave! Like I could do anything! So we went to gothenburg, had some amazing sandwiches and some not so amazing but very good-looking raspberry cheesecake. I was happy the whole time and after seeing S of at the bus-station I felt sad to have to see her leave but at the same time so happy that I managed to make a new friend. Due to my shyness and stuff that rarely happens. Almost never.

After that I went to see my sister and I managed to get to her apartment on my own without feeling scared even once, it's incredible! It might seem like nothing to others, but for me that was an amazing step forward. My sisters apartment is sooo cute, I can't believe how cute it is. I'm jealous of her wallpaper, but she gave me a roll of it to turn into artwork that she can hang on her wall. Hopefully I'll succeed with that mission.

Sorry for the wall of text of a blog-post but my days have just been filled with stuff I wanted to share and I haven't had the chance to do so until now. I'm happy!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The doll girl


I had a great afternoon with Soe yesterday which included blueberry cheesecake, hot chocolate with marshmallows and photographing weird statues. I don't have the photos though since they´re in her camera but hopefully I'll get my hands on them soon, they were so awesome.

Anyway, later in the evening we went out to eat and we discussed what kinds of games or toys we played with as kids. I haven't given it much thought but I'm kind of ashamed to admit that I was the girliest girl you can imagine. I had too many barbie-dolls to count. I loved dressing up as a princess and my main role model in life was Princess Peach which I only got to play at my neighbors house since we didn't have any video-games at home. Why am I ashamed? I don't know really, it just feels like such a lame, traditional, pink and fluffy childhood compared to others and I really wish sometimes that I would have had an older brother to show me cooler things to do.

I grew up to be quite a tomboy though since I discovered things like video games, climbing trees and skateboarding for myself, but I never felt totally comfortable since I always thought I did it wrong. The boys around me were always better somehow. I had nobody to show me so I'm self taught when it comes to most things I do, well, that was before I met J who is now my husband but who also feels much like a best friend and an older brother (but not in a creepy way). He showed me tabletop role-playing games, all the scary movies I never got to see as a kid, the coolness of zombies and the brotherly way of being very teasing sometimes. I love it, I love him, and I'll try to love myself even though I might have been the doll girl. I still love dolls..

Monday, September 20, 2010

Monday Sweetness: Plants!

I've succeeded in keeping a plant alive! That surely is sweet.. I've been a plant-serial-killer in the past which has caused me to only get fake plants ever since that last leaf fell. I don't want to harm them!

But last tuesday when I felt really bad I got a tiny little plant with wonderful pink flowers as a comforting gift and I've been so careful with it since then. Last night however I glanced at it and it looked dead. NO! Not again! - I thought. I did what I could. I grabbed the pot, poured some water into it very gently and made sure all the soil was moist. I even put the little flower in another window so that it could get the last of the evening sunshine through the rain and hoped that it would survive the night. It felt hopeless though and I was so sad..

This morning J awoke me with the words: "It's alive!" And I rushed up to discover that the pink little flowers were standing up again, alive and well! I had succeeded and I'm so very very happy! I just have to keep a closer eye on the little buddy to make sure it doesn't fall to that degree again. I don't want to kill any more plants!

I dream of an indoor garden. Dear little L gave me the idea and I might dare to try. Maybe..

Forbidden walk - OHNOES!

G told me about a disturbing find she'd made walking through the park near the church here in our little swedish city. A sign that said that from five in the afternoon until seven in the morning it's forbidden to walk through the park, but the rule only applies to girls and women! The sign says so! I couldn't believe it so I went to investigate. Yeah, the sign was really there! I walked a bit through the park anyway and I half expected someone to come dragging me out of there but it was ok. Me and J walked around in this tiny little park taking pictures, it was really nice. I love evening walks. My camera doesn't really like darkness though and I hate flash so I refuse to use it.

The sign would make me furious if it weren't for the tiny text underneath it that states that it belongs to the art museum which makes me think it's some sort of statement. It's not a real rule. I guess the statement would be against that women can't walk through the park without feeling safe after dark. That's my conclusion but I have no idea. I guess I have to go to the art museum and see for myself which I also think is the idea of the signs.. Ok, I'll swallow that bait. It's a really cool idea and the message is important!

I snapped loads of other photos as well but I don't want to spam them just yet. I'm thinking of making something out of them before showing them.. I dunno, we'll just see. Yesterday was crap, but I won't discuss politics here even though the election was yesterday. CRAP!


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Same old CD's


Another amazing friday-taco with J has passed and afterwards we started playing Assassins Creed II which is really entertaining so far and I discovered the soundtrack too which is really, truly beautiful. I love that kind of music when I work because I get tired of my favorite songs so fast and that's sad. I'm trying to keep them fresh by not listening to them too often, but it's tempting to just replay-replay-replay when you find a new song you love. I've destroyed loads of great music that way.

When I go out I listen to old CD's because I don't have a fancy-pansy iPod or an mp3-player, just an old CD walkman and since I very rarely buy CD's I have to listen to the stuff I bought as a teenager. Like t.A.T.u, Linkin Park, Kent and some more recent stuff like Laleh, Hello Saferide and Detektivbyrån, but that means those songs really get worn out fast! I have to switch CD each time I go out and eventually I just get so sick of listening to the same track over and over.

I've also realized that starting the day in complete silence is really great. Even though I love music there is something quite special about sitting there with a cup of steaming tea, just listening to nothing at all. Close your eyes and just breathe, feel the warmth of the cup in front of you and relax. It calms me down, and I need that.

What calms you down?

Friday, September 17, 2010

I'll never get tired of this.

This is my second published illustration for Allas magazine and I just get such a rush when I see my stuff in print within a context. This was for a short story about a man who meets a woman with enchanting brown eyes on the bus and he can't stop thinking about her.

The illustrations I create for Allas are a bit different from my personal things. More mature, grown up and I learn a lot. It feels really amazing and now I await the next magazine with my third illustration featured. *does a happy dance*

Warm and cosy!

It's been getting really chilly outside lately and yesterday it was really obvious that autumn is really here and I don't have any mittens! I hate being cold and my hands suffer the worst, so today I decided to hunt down the perfect gloves to warm my hands this autumn and I found them!

These are convertible silk/wool mittens in the cutest shade of wasabi green! I'm in love with them, and the description said they are not itchy which is my main concern when it comes to knitted stuff because my skin is really sensitive.

It was my first purchase on Etsy and it makes me happy to know I support another crafty, creative individual rather than a big store that earns millions anyway. I think it's worth paying a bit extra for the handmade love and the perfect mitten. They will surely keep my fingers warm and cosy these upcoming fall and winter months. Sweet!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Red Panda Sakura

This is the painting for the secret custom bag I made and I haven't been able to show it until now that I know that the birthday-girl has got it and knows about it! It's a red panda even though it's in black white and off-white here, climbing a pair of chopsticks and a little sakura-tree!

To go on with the whole japan-theme here I bought some fancy japanese incense today and now my kitchen is filled with this heavy scent! It's nice but a bit too intense.. I'm opening the windows to clear it out a bit.

Now I'm heading off to dinner with James and Soe!

Happy birthdays!

It was G's birthday yesterday!
I surprised her by taking her out for Sushi (it was not much of a surprise for her though, she suspected it all along!). Anyway, we got 11 pieces each and some steaming green tea to warm up before the meal. We are both real sushi-fans but as we got our food and went to pick up some chopsticks the waitress plainly tells us that they don't have any. Ok? Sushi-place without chopsticks to eat with.. Awesome. So we tried to eat with forks but the rice just fell apart and I got some really soy-marinated nigiri.. So we simply had to eat with our fingers. I think some ladies at a table next to ours looked at us with weird faces until they realized they also had to eat with their hands like cavemen, ha!

As gifts go I gave G the kind of rolls of tea-flowers that start blooming when you pour steaming water over them, and some chinese rice-crackers plus a patch-painting! It's the orange little owl at the top of the post.

Another birthday occurs today though and that's the birthday of a new acquaintance of mine. Soe! I met her for the first time yesterday at the Bloodline Champions office and somehow we ended up watching japanese bug fight's the whole evening. It was awesome! The guys seemed to think we were sort of crazy but there is nothing crazy about watching spiders, scorpions, bees and other nasty creatures wrestle and eat each other for sports right? We were rooting for the bee (which we renamed 'Dog' because he needed a cooler fighter-name than 'bee'). He was such an awesome bee and we were so disappointed each time he lost and shouting "go Dog go!" as he won.

We never got to see if the winning champion got a trophy or a tiny little belt to take home to his hive though..

Happy birthdays!

Tunes of Fall - New bag!

It's finished! My autumn bag with my most detailed patch-painting yet. It was loads of fun to create, and I'm happy to finally be able to share it with you. It's a classic emmy-piece as my husband calls it, a cute girls with freckles, headphones and of course the tree growing out of her head. To dig a bit deeper into the symbolism here I'd like to think of it as a girl listening to the tunes and sounds of autumn. The pompoms of this one are jet-black while the basic bag is naturally off-white cotton and has that unbleached earthy look which I really like. I won't have much time to paint patches for a few days, maybe weeks? Oh the horror, but I do have homework that needs doin' and I'm falling behind because I've been putting my tiny little art-business ahead of school this far..

Uh-oh, it's already sold!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Need some stitches?

Yesterday was chaos and shit but today is another day and I have hopes that it will be sweet..

My camera-charger was lost this morning when I planned to take pictures of my newly finished pompom-bag that I want to show you and I ran around with a frown on my face, feeling bummed about the fact that I always misplace important things. I just found it in a pile of clothes on the couch, a typical Emmy-place to put something..

Now I'm listening to some empowering, raw hiphop-beats in my headphones while waiting for the battery to come back into the game so I can play model again and show you the bag. It's cute if I may say so myself, and I'll put it up for sale as soon as I have the pictures.

I missed my drawing class yesterday due to the shit I went though, and now I have to do loads of homework. It's nice homework though so It's not that bad, but it still stresses me out like most things do right now. I soothe myself with tea and music, but it has to be hot, loud, sweet and tasty!

Pompom's coming up soon!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Green patches Woah!

They are now up for sale! I'm so happy! These green patches have on them very cheeky foods with cute faces, and they want to tell you something! What? Don't let them be rude to you, I know that apple, he's kind of silly sometimes..

I have so many things going on right now, I don't know what to say other than the fact that I'm confused and I'm really looking forward to gift-wrapping these babies in silken paper, ribbons and whatnot.. They want new homes!

Yesterdays work

I spent almost the entire day on the couch watching J work on his illustrations, watching reruns of bad TV-shows and making friendship-bracelets! I think at least one hour and a half went to untangling the brown thread because it became a mess with knots and whatnot. But I now have three bracelets on my arm! I made another two to go along with the orange and the brown since they are to be given to my friends L and G! They don't know it yet, but if they read this they will know, ha! Surprise for you!

I haven't decided who will get which color yet so I think I'll pull them out of a hat or something and give them whatever comes up!

I have also almost completed my second tote-bag and I've painted another three small patches, two of which I will photograph and put up for sale shortly. They are green!

You'll know when, because I will tell you once it's done. Chuu!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sunshine on my window

This picture was taken during a bright morning where the sun was shining through our green curtains and it made really cute silhouettes so I had to take a picture.

Today however the sun is absent and the sky is really grey and gloomy, but I kind of like that sort of weather too. My plans for today are to sit inside and to be creative in small ways. I'm knotting classic childish friendship-bracelets and I'm loving it. It's so simple and you get cute jewelry almost instantly. I can't really wear normal jewelry because I use my arms so much and I can't stand having something hard or cold against my skin. I wish I could buy loads of earrings, necklaces and bracelets but it would be useless because I never wear them. What looks amazing on others feel like a costume on me. But friendship-bracelets are so soft and discreet that you almost don't notice that you´re wearing them until you see them on your arm and then they make you smile.

Of course the whole idea of them is to share them with others. Me and J share friendship-bracelets now, pale pink ones. He told me I can't make that color for anyone else since it's our color now. I find that very cute. Today I have three new colors to play with. Dirty yellow, greenish-brown and reddish-brown. Very autumn.

I can feel the stress and pressure from myself but also from reading too many "how to become a success on Etsy"-threads on forums and blogs. They are very good and useful, but it makes me feel as if I need to do a bunch of stuff very fast and work super-hard and I want to keep this feeling of creating for the sake of my own happiness, not for sales, comments or popularity. It's difficult though, since this world revolves around money in a sick and stupid way.. But let's not talk about that because it will make me even more stressed out.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Picky thrift-shopper

Me and J went to the big charity second-hand thrift store to look for materials for that customized autumn jacket he wants. He didn't find anything, but I don't blame him. We are rather picky about materials and looks since we don't want to walk around feeling silly. There just were no jackets we liked today.

I left the store with a new table lamp for my work-space and some wool thread to knot friendship-bracelets out of so I'm happy. Right now I'm feeling perfectly lazy on my couch, just listening to sweet music while J is working since he's got an important deadline at work for an illustration. I've also got some illustration work to do which is awesome. I can't believe that I'm really a professional illustrator now, it feels so unreal to actually get payed for something that I love doing and that others get to look at my images in magazines. Fabulously unreal! It's been a dream of mine since my early teens and now I'm in the middle of it. I'm trying to just lay back and enjoy it and love my life as it's turned out. I'm not always happy, and sometimes life seems like a struggle, but today is a good day and I'll hang on to this feeling for as long as I can.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Morning of paint and such..

These pics were taken with my webcam so excuse the grain and low quality. I just wanted to show you what I've been up to this morning! When I worked on another painting I accidently poured too much yellow and green into the mix and since I didn't want to waste the paint I did a print with it. I really like the color, it's sort of mustard with a hint of green. Really earthy and it makes me think of moss and autumn. The photos don't really show the color right, I'll take better pics when the painting is done.

I wanted to mix my favorite elements into this piece. Headphones, a cute girl with freckles and a tree growing out of her head, haha! "Classic Emmy" was what J said when he got home from lunch. I hope that's not a bad thing, it's the truth. I just love painting this sort of thing over and over.

This painting will be highlighted with some white, ironed, hemmed and sewn onto a cotton tote-bag and I'll put it in my shop once it's finished. I'm thinking either black pompoms or earthy beige and white ones.. We'll see what happens. Opinions, thoughts or ideas are very welcome of course!

Distracted!

I've been happily distracted from writing or photo-graphing because of that custom order I wrote about. It's finished now but will remain secret for a while. Anyway, I've also been distracted because of school, because you know what? Everything has been solved! I got into the classes I needed to get into even though everything seemed hopeless, and I've come out in the other end of this mess with a better solution to my array of classes for this season. Gosh! Who would have thought?

I will now attend three classes this autumn. Life-drawing, the english crime-fiction class and the big course that is all about creativity and creating a project, any kind of creative project out of the imagination! What a wonderful course huh? I get to pick whatever I want to do as a project to spend this whole autumn with, all up until January! I'm so so happy because I've been looking forward to this for so long and I'm so relieved that everything turned out so great but, it has also distracted me, made me confused and very tired..

The weeks pass by and each day seems like long adventures of both happiness, tragedy and danger. I think I'm just confused by all this activity after a long summer of steadily keeping all activities away. I have to be careful now though. Just because things are enjoyable doesn't mean that they don't steal energy. I don't want to overwork myself again.

One who has endless energy and happiness is my tortoise Omi which I've drawn in the picture above. She's a stuffed tortoise toy which I got as a gift from a friend at school. This little fella with her big head and endless smile came all the way from Singapore I think, or was it Hong Kong? I can't remember exactly.. Anyway, I love her to bits and even though she is kind of too big, she sleeps next to me every night. I've told you I'm like a kid. I still keep stuffed toys in my bed at night! Can't sleep without 'em...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Homework

It's strange how homework for me as an adult is so much more creative and playful than the homework I had to do as a kid.. I spent this afternoon doing these paintings and some drawings and sketches based upon a drawing from class. I never really achieved the same cool posture as the model in class held and my first drawing is still the best one out of the seven I made today. I don't know if I should see that as a failure or as proof of that nothing can compare to having a living, breathing model in front of you while drawing.

With my last three sheets of paper (we were supposed to make 6 drawings) I played around like crazy with watercolor instead of pencils and it was amazingly fun. I added little trees and huge buns of dreadlocks and crazy waves of hair that the real model didn't really have of course, but I think it makes everything a bit more exciting!

It was great to just play instead of focusing and aiming to create a beautiful piece of art. These pieces are just to learn and to release new thoughts and new ways of drawing the same picture over and over. I wouldn't really call these paintings beautiful or skillfully made, but I like them because they were fun to make. I hope my teacher likes them too, haha!

Now I have to clean up the mess on my floor and start focusing on a custom order I got today. I normally don't take custom orders, but this is a bit special. You'll probably get to see the result in the future, but not until then.

Sketchbook pages


I got my little moleskine-sketchbook for the sketchbook project a while ago and I'm really enjoying my simple theme. I'm just doing what I've done since I was a kid, I draw people with cute clothes that I would want for myself. Like playing with dress up dolls but on paper. I'm playing around with some collage and watercolor too and I love thinking about the colors and the moods. Thoughts about getting a bit more serious and political with the theme to spice it up has run through my head, but I think I'll just be predictable in this project. What the hell, I can do whatever I want right? And I love it!
Yesterday was a good day. J lured me out of my nest to eat pizza with two of his colleagues on Bloodline Champions and I've been hiding away from people in general for a while so I got really nervous and had a racing heart the entire evening after that. Social anxiety, gah! What should I do? The nicer the people that I meet are the more nervous I get and I end up retracing every piece of conversations in my head to make out if I said something embarrassing or not.. I had a really good time though so I think it's worth the side-effects. Just like it's worth getting a runny nose and itchy eyes if you pet a kitten when you've got an allergy. It's a real mess but the cat sure was worth it. Besides, I need to practice if I ever want to overcome my fears..


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

"..saved me from ennui"

Ennui, what a word! This english-class I'm taking right now really is great, I've already encountered so many words I didn't know from before, 'ennui' being my favorite because it somehow sounds like my nickname, haha! It sort of means a depressing feeling of annoyance and restlessness though which I only find more amusing. I should rename myself..

The class is about english crime fiction more than language in itself, and the first weeks we are going to read and discuss Sherlock Holmes of course! I'd never read any Holmes stories before today and was very surprised when I couldn't stop reading once I started! I really understand that they became such a success. I easily get bored reading books and I sure thought that these old mossy detective tales would have me snoozing in a few minutes but they are very refreshing! I love the style of the writing and Holmes character. Not at all how I had imagined him.. I really like this old illustration by Sidney Paget too.

The quote in the title of this post is from a story where after solving a mystery, Holmes yawns and states that he is only trying to "escape from the commonplaces of existence" by occupying himself with detective work..

Although we are not very much alike me and him, I can relate to him trying to distract himself with things that he enjoys instead of living the average life of an english gentleman.. Haha, I sound so pretentious right now, but I'm sure you understand that all I'm trying to say is that I also get bored and gloomy if I don't get to play around as I wish instead of participating in normal grown up society. I also need distractions and this evening Sherlock Holmes saved me from ennui..

Working through a haze

I got up crazy early today after a weird dream where I pitched my husbands concept art to the art directors at Blizzard and suddenly he had his very own WoW-expansion and the promo-posters featured Nicholas Cage with a weird hairdo. My head is seriously messed up as you can tell, and I'm not even giving you the full story here! There were more weirdness where that came from..

Anyway, I've been spending this morning working like crazy with my silk-screen and colors to bring you new sweet patch-paintings in the future! I can promise you canary-yellow, pea-green and some autumn pumpkin orange to boot! Maybe all these colors mixed together would be a bit too much, but then, it's up to you how you want to mix and match them if you choose to get some.

The haze I'm talking about is a silly dizziness in my head that makes me sort of confused and loose my balance all the time. It forces me to lie down and take breaks a lot and I'm frustrated with it but at the same time I think it's my body telling me that I should still take it easy and that if I start working like the machine I once were again, I'll just crash, get a syntax error and fall flat on the ground with drool in the corner of my mouth. Yeah, nice mental image I got for ya there..

Which is your favorite color by the way, if you don't mind me asking?