So, the celebration? I've got a 100 followers on this blog now! Bittersweet enmi has been up and running for over a year and I've slowly seen more and more people come here to read my random words and look at the images I post. It's very enjoyable and I am so happy that you´re here to take a look! If you´re a one time visitor or a long term reader, I just want to send out some hugs to you!
Monday, October 31, 2011
I can finally share some more work related art! I made this background promotional piece for Sanctum that will be up for a week on Rock Paper Shotgun. I take no responsibility for the slogans shown on this piece, I had very little say in them.
I did a livestreaming of this piece. It's got music from the new album of Puscifer, a favorite band of mine with music that really fit the mood I wanted in my image as well as the mood I am in at the moment.
Life is incredibly odd and complex for me right now. Not practically, just emotionally, and it's all kinds of strange. I feel like there are no safe havens left, nobody to talk to that won't influence my emotions one way or another and I feel like I owe everyone so much that I want to collapse under the pressure. It's probably not like that in reality, it's just how it feels.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Like wolves they stalk
Wicked and cruel
Drawn by the scent
She is helpless again
Their knife edged grins
Their outspoken strength
Their crooked intentions
An innocent smile
is all that it takes
Lay out the bait
Set up the snare
All gather around
the sweet little one
Her frail white bones
Her delicate ways
Her dazed hazy hues
What is hidden
a twisted longing
To hunt or be hunted
is really just the same
Feed the addiction
you sweet little one
Like a wolf she stalks
Fatal and flawed
Drawn by the scent
They are helpless again
I wanted an image for this, but somehow I can't settle for anything. I normally never post anything without an image, but this time I'll make an exception. This is kind of scary for me, to post my own poetry. It's not something I usually would do. I don't even normally write things like these that I don't immediately throw away. I've been trying to spark my own imagination and inspiration when it comes to writing in general, because it's something I used to do a lot when I was younger. I'd fill notebooks full of stories and I wrote over a hundred pages of a book that got lost in a computer crash when I was 14. Only the memory of that one remains, which might be a good thing.
Self doubt and a fear of being laughed at is probably what makes me so scared of sharing my writing. Well, sometimes you have to challenge your fears.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Another sketch I made at work that I painted once I got home. I want to do a photoshoot with hair like this. I really hope i'll manage to do that at some point. I miss setting up models and taking pics. It would be rather perfect now with the autumn leaves outside. It's so beautiful it kind of takes my breath away every time I walk outside. We'll see what happens. I just have to find a model!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Oddly enough I've been drawing and painting all day today, and not a single nap in between. For weeks now I've been falling asleep as soon as I close my eyes and I haven't had the energy to do anything at all. This morning I finished a commission piece, did my faery painting and then I sketched some random stuff.
Now I've started a new acrylic painting and I'm really excited about getting paint on my fingers again. It's a special feeling to sit there with a huge cup of tea and mix paint while trying to figure things out. I've got a messy base right now and I'm thinking about what to put on top of it. I have a pretty good idea, I just need to grab my pencil and start to draw it. I don't know if I should do it right now or wait until sunlight comes back though. Here in Sweden the days are growing shorter however, and sunlight dissapears quickly. I suspect it will get dark before I get home from work pretty soon. It's a bit gloomy, but I've got candles to chase away the darkness. The trick is to keep it outside and not let it in, that goes for dark emotions as well. I'll try to put mine into art instead.
Another personal painting, finally done. I keep doing livestreams of my personal art nowadays, because it's really motivational to know that people can watch my process, and it makes me complete my pieces faster and with more energy. To watch the video, click here.
I've always loved faeries, and I used to paint them every day for a while when I was younger. It still fills me with some kind of calm and happiness when I get to just paint those wings, oddly shaped limbs and the flowing hair. I feel free.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Another busy week, now being finished off by looking and vast numbers of beautiful photographs and items on Etsy. It always puts a smile on my face even when things are difficult. Right now things are kind of difficult, but I keep on breathing, and I keep on enjoying beautiful little things.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I watched this movie quite a while ago but I recently re-discovered it's amazing soundtrack and got the urge to see it again. Metropia is a dark, dystopian story, animated in a very unique and slightly eerie way. It's set in Europe where all the subway rails have been connected into a giant network, and of course there is something very wrong with this entire system. This dark, gray and moody movie fits the weather around here right now. It's getting so very dark.
Monday, October 17, 2011
I drew this while at the office this Saturday. Yeah, I was at work on a weekend, but mostly for the good company and the sweet tea. I've been planning to do a new livestream for a while and now I did it. You can see it on the Bittersweet enmi Channel. It's always fun to paint live, and it gives me more motivation to finish a piece.
So, I have sort of a story in mind for this image, but it's not entirely clear in my head yet, and it probably never will be. I wanted to capture the feeling of sacrifice for someone else who demands it from you disregarding of your feelings. I was told by my dear friend L that I should draw more dark art since it's something I love looking at myself. A lot of the artwork I draw inspiration from is very scary and macabre and I even though a lot of my own art as a somewhat gloomy feeling about them, I rarely try to do something genuinely dark myself. I do enjoy it though, so there may be more on the same theme as this one at the piece 'Lyca' I did recently.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
It's been such a nice day outside. Cold autumn with orange leaves everywhere and the sun shining on frosted grass. A perfect day for autumn cleaning of my apartment! I've been dreading it for ages, letting my home fall into a decaying state of chaos and stinky laundry, but I took care of it all today.
Having my home in order, with all my cute little things around me always helps me regain my energy and some happiness and calm. I went with a friend to the store to get some candy for work tomorrow, and I've played minecraft all night.
I've been having troubles lately with my energy being really low. I work hard and then when I get home I just crash into bed and fall asleep. Nothing gets done and all the personal art I want to create just gets pushed further into the future. I hope that once my body and mind gets used to working so much I'll get some energy back, because I have inspiration like never before and it needs to get put onto paper. At least now with a clean desk, maybe it will be easier to settle down with an art project than before when it was cluttered with coffee cups and unfinished letters to nobody.
Now I'm cuddled up in bed with the bulldog, just enjoying a lazy end to this not so lazy Sunday.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Waking up this nice Saturday morning to my snoring bulldogs face pressed against mine. I have a good feeling hiding somewhere in me and I hope it stays there. Work is fun. So fun in fact that I'm going back today even though it's a day off, just to sit there and eat foods, talk and make games. First I have to roll out of this comfy bed though, and that's easier said than done. It's very very comfy you see...
Thursday, October 13, 2011
While doing research for a little project at work I've stumbled across so many new inspirational images that fill me with the need to draw. I can't wait until i have some spare time and energy to sit down with my sketch book, a cup of tea and just draw. I'm drawing all day at work of course, but it's not the same.
Right now I'm really inspired by sketchy, rather dirty looking art in a way. Art that in it's imperfections become perfect. Simple but really well made. Now, back to work for me!
Monday, October 10, 2011
I sketched this image during a meeting at work (yes I draw while In meetings, it helps me focus) It was an absolutely horrible day for many reasons and I felt as if I was dying, so it felt appropriate to paint this very darkly. While painting it I found a poem by William Blake. "Little girl lost", which I quoted and I really love this poem, and the name Lyca which is in it so I named my image after it.
I feel much better now by the way. Today I'm sitting in my newly cleaned, candle lit apartment and I feel very calm and relaxed for the first time in a long time.
I mentioned to my co-workers that I don't eat a lot, which is true because I've been going through some rough times and my appetite haven't really been good. Well, today when I got into my office there was this chocolate bar on my desk! It says breakfast-lunch-dinner on it! Omnomnom, I'm gonna enjoy this chocolate for sure.
Because of all the things I've been dealing with, my blog has been left sadly neglected. I have some new art to upload soon though, so no worries!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Since this is now where I spend most of my time I thought I shoudl show you little pieces of my office at Coffee Stain Studios. I've got a room to myself (for now) where I can fully focus on my work, which is needed since I'm currently working on very technical designs that are beyond anything I've tried to draw before. It's a challenge I enjoy however and I hope I'll gain some new fancy skills to use in my own personal art eventually.
I brought a little wooden geisha doll to sit next to my computer, which is littered with post-it notes with scribblecats on them. A scribblecat is a cat scribbled really fast by the people here at work. Many of them seem to end up in my office and I think i have about twenty cats already to take care of. They are all so unique and cute and make me smile when I struggle with some difficult detail in a design. Eventually I'll show you what I'm working on, but for now it's all secret, so sssh!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Working full time drains my energy like crazy. I wish I had more of that energy to keep on drawing when I get back home, but right now I'm so wrapped up in my work that I haven't been able to even hold a pen once I leave the office. I'll probably get used to the routine soon and get back to sitting at home fiddling with little cute things that make me smile.
Work has me smile too, and sigh and grunt but then I laugh at something someone says or feel a hint of pride when I manage to draw something I've never managed to draw before. It's a challenge and it's something that I truly enjoy despite the draining effect it has on me.
So, this picture? Yeah, some boxes arrived to the office today and I couldn't resist to climb into one. I wanted to use it as a river boat!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Autumn is really here, and this Sunday morning I woke up early to see the sun rise from behind the yellowing trees outside my window. It was a really calm moment and it made me smile. Now I'm in bed with a big cup of tea. I have plenty of little art related things to do today. That's what happens when you work full time and then have the weekends for freelance work. It's all work work work, but this wish list made me smile. After all, all my work has to do with something I love doing. I just wish I had made a list of all the things I have to do because I have a feeling my little confused mind will manage to forget something...