Saturday, September 29, 2012
I'd love to explain everything I've learned today, but I'm not a brain scientist and I'm not sure if I've even understood a tiny fraction of how this thing works. One thing though: Serotonin... This neurotransmitter that controls our well-being and happiness. Along with a huge amount of other substances in our bodies it controls our feelings. How we behave, think and feel.
It's so abstract and still very clear. I don't even know what I want to say with this post, but I have to get it out somehow. Learning about the science behind the disease that I'm suffering from makes it so much easier to accept and deal with. The knowledge that all these scary, odd and sad feelings come from the chemistry in my brain helps me to get rid of the shame and guilt. It helps me to know there are ways to cure my brain, to help it function in a way to make me healthy again. Also that it's not my fault, it's not anyones fault. We are all created this way.
I've talked about mental health before, and now more than ever do I feel the need to talk about it. Get rid of the mysterious and shady fog that surrounds the topic. The stigma of it needs to go away. Depression can happen to anyone and there are as many causes for it as there are people suffering from it. It doesn't matter if it's caused by traumatic events, stress, a breakup or by nothing explainable at all. Learning that it's the same tiny nerves, cells and neurotransmitters that control this has taught me that depression is a real disease and it can be dealt with. It can't be shaken off or ignored. It needs to be seen, heard, felt and in the end, cured...
The photo in this post is the view from the hospital bed I've been in for the past week. No, I won't hide it, or lie about it or feel ashamed. I refuse to take part in a society where certain medical conditions are seen as something to be hidden away or ashamed of. I've spent a week at a psychiatric ward because of my depression and anxiety. This taught me more about humanity in a single week than years of school ever did. I want people to know, to see and to understand the suffering. I want to understand it myself. Knowledge and understanding is the best way to deal with anything. Psychiatry is the science of the soul. It's beautiful in a way.