As I mentioned before, yesterday we went out for a walk and I brought my camera along. I haven't used it properly in ages and it's been really difficult to find the time and energy to just walk outside and look for those beautiful little details in the world. We went to some fields by an area where they used to gather stone. It's abandoned now and nature is just left on its own.
It was a very sunny autumn day and we just walked slowly while I dropped now and then to take a picture of some tiny thing that caught my eye. It was really soothing. When you're walking around and the world feels like a scary, ugly and unfriendly place you stop noticing the good things. I've been walking around like that for far too long and it was amazing to re-discover what I already knew. There are beautiful things everywhere, even in places you wouldn't normally look. My favorite kind of beauty is the kind you find in the middle of decay and chaos. The pretty ordinary things that you'd probably just walk straight past if not for that camera. The scenery was incredible on it's own with huge cliffs and low mountaintops filled with autumn colored trees, but I like to look at the little things. Lower your gaze and look in the grass, in the dirt, and you'll be surprised how many details there are.
My sick-leave from work is almost over and it's bittersweet. I've been struggling every day with keeping myself together, and these paintings and photos I've managed to create are are the products of long hours of doubt before they actually got to be. I just hope that my sensitivity level won't be as difficult once I start working again. I miss my friends at the office, and I'm excited to see what has happened during my time away. Still it's scary to jump straight back into it. I'll have to turn that fear into excitement instead.