I'm sick of waiting for my life to begin
It sucks to sit and wish for the good things to happen
Perhaps I could...?
No, no I couldn't, it's too hard.
But.. Maybe? Maybe it's not?
I have all the ideas, all the plans I just...
I procrastinate too much, I never get it done.
WTF tho? Nobody can stop me from doing it!
I won't let them stop me.
My parents. My boss. My teachers.
Always demands, gotta work, gotta study but...
They´re not exactly stopping me from anything.
When I think about it people actually encourage me.
Who's stopping me then?
I hate that person!
Who dares to tell me what I can and can't do?!
Silly. I know I can draw that thing, write that novel if I..
If what? If I was better at it?
But I already know how to use a pen.
Perhaps that is all I need?
Perhaps I should just try?
No.. not try. Just do.
But there is this block, a fence, a fucking brick wall.
Who built that wall?
Did I build it? But I want to be free!
Why did I do that to myself?
Why am I still doing it?
Why am I still questioning myself?
SHUT UP BRAIN!
You can't tell me i suck, you can't tell me I'm not good enough.
Eat shit and shut the fuck up you evil brain-monster.
I won't listen to you anymore.
You're not allowed to tell me what to do, you´re just a part of MY body.
I decide what you think and then you can be there in my skull, sulking and complaining about how difficult everything is. I'm pretty darn awesome actually and I won't listen to you.
I'm gonna dream on and sit down right now and just do whatever I gawd daym please because I'm my own boss. So listen to me for a while, the dreaming creative and rather fragile person who can create wonderful things in my mind. That is me. That is who I am. Not later. I am that person, right now. I can accomplish my dreams, today.
Thank you all for commenting and just for reading my last post! I wanted to reply instantly but I kept myself from it because most of your words and reactions speak so well on their own. You can all relate and understand the thoughts when put into a long list sentences. You can also see what the problem is because you're pretty amazingly smart actually. You know that we block ourselves. We procrastinate because we are afraid of what might happen if we fail. What would people think of us? They'd probably just laugh and realize we´re frauds that can't actually do anything! SCARY! D:
But when you start thinking about it, has anyone actually told you that you suck, that you can't accomplish anything, that you're not good enough. Has anyone called you useless or encouraged you NOT to trust your heart and your dreams? If someone actually have said these things to you what did you think of this person? How did they make you feel? You sort of hate them right? Especially if it's someone close to you like your parents, a boyfriend or girlfriend. It makes you devastated, depressed and discouraged. It pushes you down to the bottom of the awful dramatic ocean of despair. You hate being there, it's awful. Blegh...
Why does it feel like those things are true then? Those thoughts of not being good enough or that you'll just fail if you even dare to try. Perhaps because there is someone saying these horrible things to you.
To be continued later on. I loved reading your feelings and thoughts on my last post so I'd be even more super duper happy if you did the same thing on this post. It helps me when I write these random pseudo-psychological/philosophical thoughts and theories.